The following is an adapted excerpt from Humans Who Teach by Shamari Reid.
Fear of Getting It Wrong
One of my favorite pieces of media is an interview between the hosts of The Man Enough Podcast and Alok (they/them), an internationally acclaimed author, poet, comedian, and public speaker. They titled the episode “The Urgent Need for Compassion.” The interview is filled with some of the most beautiful ideas I’ve ever heard and I often include this interview in my course materials. In their conversation, one of the podcast hosts asks Alok about mistakes and getting it wrong when engaging with pronouns, trans people, and specifically gender-nonconforming people. As a gender-nonconforming person, Alok responds to the question with this:
Welcome to the awkward choreography of being a human. We’re always going to mess up because we are indoctrinated into a world that teaches us ideology, not compassion. . . . I was not born with gender literacy. . . . I had to learn, too. So other people are going to have to learn. In that way, trans people can actually teach the world that transition is possible, not only between genders but between paradigms. (We Are Man Enough 2021)
Alok continues to share that being alive is about messing up because we are humans. Therefore, we are inconsistent, flawed, imperfect. They conclude with encouraging us to apologize when we make mistakes and commit to not making the same mistakes. And if we do make the same mistake, we apologize again and try even harder to learn and unlearn. And even harder to be human.
And to be clear, I am not presenting Alok’s words here as a blanket statement that removes our accountability when our mistakes do harm others or to nullify the pain that we cause others when we make mistakes. I am sharing Alok’s ideas here to remind us that making mistakes is human and that we can release ourselves from the fear of mistakes so we have space to embrace love and the human process of (un)learning. Sometimes fear of messing up can keep us from moving forward. However, I encourage you to move forward anyway. I invite you to center love and your humanity. By centering your humanity, you can expect to make mistakes and extend yourself grace when you do. Welcome to being human. And I know this is further complicated for us as humans who teach. Often, educators are positioned as all-knowing, and there is pressure that does not seem to allow us space to make mistakes or fall down. However, we are humans, too. And we must reserve the right to make mistakes. And the right to get it wrong and to grow.
Fear of Not Being Perfect
Embrace your messy and imperfect humanity. When I was a new teacher, I was so afraid of not being the perfect teacher. I felt the need to prove myself as a pedagogue to everyone in the school building. I now recognize that my desire to be perfect came from a place of insecurity and misunderstanding. I was socialized to be insecure and question my worth as a Black queer person, and I held too tightly to the dangerous misunderstanding that mistakes and imperfections were things I must avoid. And in my efforts to be perfect I neglected my humanity and the inherent humanity of my students. I was not perfect then. And I was harmful to myself and to the young people I cared so much about. The pursuit of perfection can hurt us and our students.
After embracing a love ethic, I am now positioned to remind myself that I am enough, and doing my best is always enough. And yes, I make many mistakes and I am a host of imperfections. And I am enough. And my students are too. I also must add that my students noticed this change in my outlook and shared countless times how much they appreciated it. A few years ago, a couple of weeks after the semester ended, I received this email from a student who shared my racial and sexual identities:
I found myself late last night really missing your class. I loved how vulnerable your class was. I truly felt like I mattered being taught by you. There was something about seeing someone who looks like me talk so openly about embracing imperfection and making mistakes. You freed me. I now know I don’t have to be everything to everybody. I don’t have to be perfect. I never thought I would say that. So thank you. I wanna be just as imperfect as you. You’ve been super influential to my becoming.
Warmly and with love, X
